I confess: I’m one of the not so proud people that has “married” posted on their facebook status but is not actually in a relationship or in a marriage. However, despite the plutonic nature of our bond, having my official facebook wife go to school in Michigan can be a tough task. Two summers ago, we became very good friends and pledged to stay in contact throughout the year. While I expected that we would throw each other a bone with the occasional phone call, I never thought that we would become even closer during the year without ever once meeting face to face. McKenna’s relationship facilitation factors give insight as to why this occurred.
McKenna’s Model outlines various factors that facilitate online relationship formation. Two of these factors include identifiably and removal of gating features. Identifiably refers to how salient your personality is when interacting in a space. Evidence demonstrates that high identifiably and high anonymity both increase the tendency for self-disclosure. Due to the fact that I was already close to my friend, I felt highly identifiable during our phone calls and instant message conversations. During our constant interactions, I experienced a “stranger in the crowd effect” that led me to confide in her intimate details about my life that I would not have felt comfortable sharing during the summer when we lived right next to each other. This led to increased relationship development, as we became closer throughout the year.
The other factor in Mckenna’s model that influenced my relationship formation was the removal of gating features. Gating features are barriers such as physical attractiveness, status, and anxiety that can limit self-disclosure on the face-to-face level. The cues that were filtered out during CMC actually stimulated relationship development due to the fact that it eliminated the anxiety we felt over confiding in one another. For some reason, it seems “less real” when you confide personal details in another person over the internet than when you do it during FTF communication. This is due to the fact that you are unable to see the other person’s judgment of you, which in FTF, can lead to an obvious change in behavior. CMC provides a buffer that eliminates gating features and allows relationships to develop above a purely narcissistic level. In my case, maintaining a long distance relationship led me to believe that the physical attraction that we had towards one another that may have been a catalyst in our amity was not one of the main factors that sustained our close friendship. This caused me to become even more invested and increase self-disclosure.
This past summer, despite seeing my friend every day at work, our closeness actually declined. We both recognized this change and talked about how weird it was that we were closer when we didn’t spend any time together but just worked hard maintaining a long distance relationship. The high expectations we had due to online media facilitating an increase in self-disclosure led to disappointment when we met up again during the summer. In ‘real life’, there are so many other people, more complex situations, and tasks that can distract both parties in a relationship and cause a decline in interpersonal attraction. Despite this decline in our friendship, we are still happily married on facebook.
P.S. On the Bright side, if my facebook marriage doesn't work out, I can always resort to: http://marryourdaughter.biz/
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Jason, I enjoyed your story very much. It’s too bad things didn’t work out this summer, but your narrative definitely conveys an insightful look at CMC relationships vs. FtF relationships. While McKenna’s Anticipated Future Interaction theory says that if you anticipate a long-term relationship, which it seems you and your “wife” did, then you will self-disclose more, which is seems you and your “wife” also did. But, McKenna’s theory also found that self-disclosure does not always lead to a successful, long-term relationship, as was the unfortunate incident with you and your friend. Do you think the successful relationships that have attributes relating to McKenna’s theory apply more to people who initially meet online and then move to FtF interactions, as opposed to people who already have a FtF relationship and then move to a CMC one? And p.s. I love the link at the end of your post—that is amazing/really horrifying!
Hi, Jason
Two things first: I too am sorry that things did not work out this past summer, and I applaud your courage in admitting to being one of the rare men on Facebook that is “married”. Your experience in a way relates to my blog this week, as I discuss how the distance provided by CMC can be a good thing. This could be because it allows each party to relax more, to feel more comfortable and to self-disclose more. It could also be because of the distance afforded by a long-distance relationship. Not everyone is as comfortable in constant FtF interaction, and CMC provides a way to interact and share and bond without the constant social pressure of another physical human being. I have seen this with my friends and sometimes even in my own life.
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