The summer before freshman year was a very awkward time period in terms of meeting people through computer-mediated means. I’m a junior now, but I remember back then when my still-mysterious classmates would instant message me initiating in forced conversation hoping to get a head start on making friends. Only one of these electronic correspondences turned into anything really interesting—a series of intense AIM conversations and… one date.
The subject of this relationship, who will be referred to as Jane, initiated contact with me a few weeks before classes started through a Facebook message complementing me on my music interests (and this was freshman year, where my “Favorite Music” display was showy and expansive). The obvious attraction factor presented by Wallace in this situation is common ground. Jane initiated contact based upon our shared tastes; putting faith in the belief that we’d get along because we enjoy listening to similar bands and artists. In relation to McKenna’s relationship facilitation factors, we both believed we were “connecting to similar others”. This was the key element of our relationship. All our initial conversations would begin on the subject of our music tastes and things would flow from that point.
I believe Wallace’s physical attraction factor is irrelevant here because Jane was able to see my face in my profile picture—the sequence of attraction was not reversed. Proximity and disinhibition effects soon set in as the amount we exchanged instant messages increased. As freshman year started, we talked more and more (still only online, probably because neither of us wanted to make the first move to make first face-to-face contact) and I became more attached to Jane and felt more comfortable in my conversations. In terms of disinhibition effects, we certainly became more intimate in our conversations (talking about each others past relationships, etc)—Jane became so open about herself that I started to feel intimidated, and decided it was about time we met in person.
In terms of McKenna’s relationship facilitation factors, interactional control was very careful when taking steps from CMC to FTF. All our plans to eventually do dinner and a movie were made via a combination of synchronous IMs and asynchronous Facebook messages. Additionally, I have to admit to some “getting the goods” by searching Jane on Google (don’t remember what information I retrieved—I don’t think it was too important) and I gave her profile more than a few glances before the big meeting. When we met things were pleasant, but very quiet—in person, making eye contact, we couldn’t quite match the deep, intense conversations we had online. The hyperpersonal aspect of each others lives was removed and I guess we just seemed less interesting to one another. Of course, many couples have met online and experienced the “spark” of romance in real life—but perhaps there are certain qualities that cannot be recognized through attraction and relationship facilitation factors that occur online.
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3 comments:
I have been in your shoes. I feel that online relationships have too much build up overall. It is so easy to be uninhibited and honest in IM because if you don't get an immediate response, you can follow with a j/k or an lol, and pretend it never happened. I don't understand how attraction can occur amongst human beings who know eachother before meeting eachother... but it does have a kind of romantic allure.
I completely remember being creeped out by those awkward facebook "friends" and AIM conversations. I almost felt wierd for not being one of the people who was that excited about college that they wanted to as many strangers as they could asap to get a head start on being social.
I really liked your post. You were really clear in connecting your experince to many of Wallace's and McKenna's factors. Common ground seems to be the way that many people make Facebook friends based on thier profiles. It's unfortunate that your face to face meeting did not live up to your expectations. It seems that there is a window of time where you can move from CMC to FtF for the first time and yours had closed.
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