For this assignment I decided to apply Wallace’s attraction factors to a computer mediated relationship I have had. During one of my trips back home, I visited one of my best friends at her university and met several of the friends she had made there. One of the people I met, John, was her new boyfriend. I wanted to figure out what this new boyfriend was like. After spending a weekend at the university, I friended John on facebook and parted ways. At first my “friend of a friend” and I did not really talk, but one day, I believe around when Kevin Federline released a rap single, I received a message on facebook saying “Popozao!” (the title of the single). This message spurred a conversation, and from there John and I got to know each other online.
The first of Wallace’s attraction factors that explains why I began to accept John is common ground. Common ground refers to mutually shared beliefs, assumptions, and propositions. Specifically, the Law of Attraction states that the proportion of these shared beliefs, assumptions, and propositions leads to attraction. By looking at John’s facebook profile, I immediately got a glimpse into some of these factors, which were elaborated upon as we talked online. I saw that he liked several of the same shows as me, such as Arrested Development, The Office, and 30 Rock. I also saw that he had a similar taste in music, listing artists like The Arcade Fire and Ben Kweller as his favorites. Although I certainly will not go so far as to say we had everything in common, I would say that a good majority of our interests were very similar. The more and more I saw how we were alike, the more I liked him and liked him being my friend’s friend.
Another of Wallace’s attraction factors that explains my acceptance and approval of John is proximity. Proximity refers to the idea that familiarity breeds attraction. Essentially, the more you interact with someone, the more likely you are to be attracted to them. This helps explain why so many people fall in love or become friends with the girl next door, or the boy in class. In terms of computer mediated communication, online familiarity flows from intersection frequency. In other words, how often you interact with someone on the Internet affects the likelihood of an attraction. Since we both frequently were posting on my friend’s (his girlfriend’s) wall, were on AIM, and had our own message thread occasionally, our intersection frequency was relatively high. Since I talked to him often online, I gradually got to know him better and increasingly thought he was a good match for my friend.
Wallace’s attraction factors, specifically common ground and proximity, help account for my approval of my friend’s boyfriend when I really did not know him through face-to-face interactions.
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I also found I could relate my online relationship to that of Wallace's attraction factors. While reading about how you found common ground through John's Facebook and finding almost everything in common, I also thought of the hyperpersonal model. I thought how after seeing several common traits/characteristics on his Facebook profile, you assumed you were both compatible- of course to a certain extent.
The other factor you mentioned, Wallace's interaction frequency is definitely seen by your description of how you got to know your friend's boyfriend. I did not even think about how you could get to know someone better by looking at a mutual friend's wall that you both post on. That was a great factor to address as well as conversing with John directly.
At the same time, I also did not consider the factors of attraction in friendship, but more of in a romantic way. It was a great perspective for me to see, because I realized Wallace's attraction factors could be used in the way your experience went.
Eden,
I like that you chose to apply Wallace's Attraction Factors to a friendly relationship as opposed to a romantic relationship. I think it's important to remember that these factors can describe a relationship between friends and family as well.
I agree with how you related your relationship with your friend's boyfriend to Wallace's factors of common ground and proximity. I like that you began discussing your impression formation of John with the aspects seen through common ground. This seems to have been the first way in which you could begin to form an impression, with just basic cues that he listed in his profiles. Then you were able to get to know him better through a close proximity, communicating with him on Facebook and instant messaging.
In addition to Wallace's attraction factors, you could also apply your relationship to several of McKenna's Relationship Facilitation Factors. According to the factor of "connecting with similar others," it is easier to identify with people of similar interests. This explains why you formed a positive impression of John after you discovered that he shared a similar interest in music with you. Also,the factor "getting the goods" relates to the fact that you were able to find these similar interests by searching his Facebook profile, before you actualy began talking to him through instant message.
Eden, I thought that your post was excellent. Your relation to Wallace's attraction factors of proximity and common ground were very well explained and didnt seem like you were stretching a theory to fit in wtih the facts of your story. It is an especially intresting situation because although you came to know him better online, you met him when you visited your friend, and thus any physical attractiveness you felt would have been expierenced in the FTF order (attraction before self disclosure) rather than the reverse that is typical of CMC. I would be interested in hearing whether you think online communication faciliated your relationship faster than FTF communication would have (say if you had remained for say a week longer on your visit). Perhaps the disinhibition effect of your computer acting as a buffer allowed your freindship to develop more quickly than it would have if you had continued interacting via FTF.
Hey Eden,
I enjoyed reading your post. I like how you related your situation to Wallace’s relationship factors. The proximity was definitely evident from the fact that his girlfriend was your friend and you both interacted with the same person, and therefore each other, frequently. If you two were not connected by this one person and forced to interact with each other, it is safe to assume that you would not have become fond of him. I thought that you had a good point about the common ground that the two of you shared as well. While the forced interaction was a key in your acceptance of him, it alone would not be enough to secure your fondness of the man. The fact you two shared common beliefs, friends and interests further facilitated your attraction to one another. You could have been forced to interact with him but hate each interaction. The frequency of your interactions along with the fact that you enjoyed each interaction is a fair assessment of why you grew to like him. This was a great analysis and a great post.
Hi Eden. Your blog was very interesting and your application of Wallace’s factors seem completely correct. I experienced a very similar situation. My best friend from high school goes to school in New York City. When I went to visit her for a weekend, I met the boy she was dating at the time. I spent a little time with him that weekend but did not really get to know him. When I came back to Cornell, he friended me on facebook. I was really excited that he took the time to friend his girlfriend’s best friend from home. After looking at his facebook profile and noticing many similar interests, I sent him a facebook message saying something about how it was nice to meet him. He promptly replied with a similar comment and that made me like him more. The following months we would occasionally send each other a message or two. Facebook definitely helped me get to know my best friend’s boyfriend better, and similar to your situation, Wallace’s factors perfectly apply.
Hey Eden, so let me say that I think your blog was not about you growing to have a romantic relationship with someone but to finding out if you liked the person for your friend or not. I think it put a great spin on what I have been reading! Anyways, I think that some of the things you said were reall true, for instance how you were attracted to common ground which actually started right off the bat with his "Popzoa" comment. I also found your reflection on proximity and intersection frequency very true and goes right back to when we were learning about how we get to know people when we kept seeing their sns pop up in chat rooms. I wonder how your relationship with him (CMC) is different compared to your friends relationship with him (FtF and CMC) as his girlfriend. Needless to say, if your friend ever asks what you think you will seem very intelligent answering her question using what you've learned.
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