An example of a relationship that started online and left virtuality is the story of my friend we will call Nancy who began interacting with a person we will call John prior to transferring to Cornell. As I described in Assignment #5, before I transferred, I too joined a facebook group entitled “2005 transfers.” The group was a way to see who else would be living in the transfer center, where people were transferring from, etc. John was also a person transferring to Cornell and their interaction started with the traditional facebook friend request, then led to instant messaging. When John and Nancy arrived at Cornell, they were friends for a few weeks and then started dating.
Nancy and John’s interaction supports Berger and Calabrese’s Uncertainty Reduction Theory. Berger and Calabrese predict a positive outcome for leaving virtuality. According to them, the more information that is disclosed, the greater liking and intimacy. This is true in the case of Nancy and John. Nancy explained to me that when she first talked to John online she thought that he was a nice person but never thought that they would end up dating once arriving at school. As she got to know him better and John disclosed more, she realized that they share a lot in common and once meeting face to face their friendship strengthened and later turned into dating. Clearly their progression shows that as they disclosed more about one another and got to know each other better, attraction and intimacy increased.
Nancy and John’s interaction fits with the factors discussed in the Ramirez & Wang’s paper. While Nancy and John began instant messaging at the end of the summer, their CMC communication would be considered short term. When meeting face to face, Nancy’s expectations were violated in a positive way. Talking to John online she thought he was nice and would be a good friend but thought that their interests did not align to the point that she would consider dating him. When they met face to face, she realized that they both had a very sarcastic and funny sense of humor that did not shine through online. Interacting face to face, she was able to find out more details about John’s life and realized there was more to John than visible through their CMC communication.
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3 comments:
Hi Katelyn. I really enjoyed reading your blog. I have heard stories similar to your friend’s of people meeting online before going to college or transferring colleges and then dating at college. Although I agree with the comments in your blog, I have another possible reason as to why so many people end up dating in this situation. When going to a new place, such as college, having a girlfriend or a boyfriend is a security blanket. Maybe that is another possible reason as to why people meet online and then have a modality switch that is relationship enhancing once they meet in real life at college.
Nice post. Like Mallory said, I too have a good friend who met a boy online before coming to Cornell and they began dating basically the second we arrived (a bit different from the situation with your friends). I agree with Mallory that many people who meet online before arriving at college begin dating for security purposes. In fact my two friends that had spoken online and began dating upon orientation week arrival, broke up 3 months later. They broke up because my girlfriend felt that she had gotten into the relationship for the security of definitely having someone there for her when she didn't really know anyone. But ultimately that is different from your friends relationship, who took the time to actually leave virtuality and learn more about one another in Ftf.
I really liked your post. I also have a good friend who met his girlfriend and eventual wife online before meeting face to face. I think the evolution of dating relationships with the current involvement of online spaces is very fascinating. As you accurately described in your post, Berger and Calabrese’s Uncertainty Reduction Theory (URT) definitely supports your example of your friends’ relationship that had a positive result after leaving virtuality. However, I think it is interesting to note that the URT does not only predict positive outcomes. In the case of Nancy and John, uncertainty was reduced after leaving virtuality because they were able to gain more information about each other which consequently lead to greater liking and intimacy. Yet there are instances in which the opposite effect is possible and URT predicts negative outcomes for leaving virtuality. This only occurs if uncertainty is increased, but luckily for Nancy and John this was not the case.
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