Tuesday, November 27, 2007

11: eHarmony and URT

My neighbor, David, and his wife, Amanda, are a good example of a relationship that started online and then left virtual reality. After David got divorced he decided to move to New Jersey, in the house next to mine. He was 32 years old at this time and wanted to start a new life. However, with his new job, he did not have time to meet other women so he decided to join eHarmony.com. After months of searching for the perfect someone, he finally found Amanda’s profile and decided to contact her. They communicated via email for about 2 weeks and then started IM chatting regularly for another 4 weeks. After 6 weeks of this CMC communication, they both decided to meet each other and go on a real date. David was a little hesitant at first since Amanda was a mother of three children, but because he had made such a good connection with her, David decided to stay with her. Finally, after two good years of dating, they decided to take the plunge and marry each other. It has been another two years since they have been married and the couple is happy as ever. They were even asked by eHarmony to be on one of their commercials.

The story of David and Amanda leaving virtuality and becoming closer in reality fits well with Berger and Calabrese’s (1975) Uncertainty Reduction Theory (URT). URT predicts that “the uncertainty reduction process leads to affinity or attraction.” Therefore, when couples who meet online and then meet in reality disclose more information about each other, they will show greater liking and intimacy. In David and Amanda’s case, when they both able to see each other and find out more about themselves, they started liking each other more and were able to stay together for a long time. For example, when Amanda told David about her three kids online he was a little scared. However, after meeting Amanda and her kids in person, he was more comfortable and started liking Amanda more. He had always wanted to be a father and Amanda’s kids were a perfect start. Therefore, the more information disclosed by David and Amanda in reality, they were able to understand each other more and were able to form a tight bond.

David and Amanda’s relationship’s positive outcome after leaving virtual reality truly exemplified the URT and the advantage of CMC technology.

5 comments:

Justine Fields said...

That story is so adorable! I think it's really interesting that they actaully asked them to be on a commercial. I always thought those people were actors, not actual people who met online! But anyways... That story really does exemplify URT well. Since David faced disappointment at the fact that Amanda had three children, but upon meeting her in FtF was able to get overcome that disappointment with many more positive experiences, they were able to continue their relatioship outside of CMC. Clearly the more informatino they learned about one another the more their intimacy grew. Nice post.

Selina Lok said...

Hi Saurin,

Nice post! This is a really cute story. This does show good support of the Uncertainty Reduction Theory. When David and Amanda moved their relationship offline, they will able to develop greater intimacy and greater likings for one another. I'm really happy for them. It must have been scary to meet someone that already had three children but in David and Amanda's case, it all worked out and David was able to feel really comfortable with Amanda and her kids when he met them.

Jillian Moskovitz said...

Hey Saurin,

I definitely see why eHarmony asked them to share their story. Definitely the fairytale ending. I also think you did a great job relating it to URT. I commend David for taking a risk and even though something did not look ideal on paper, he still went for it anyway and followed his gut. I agree that when you meet in person, there are a lot of factors that increase liking and intimacy like how they smile and all those other corny things that people realize when they like someone else. Very good post though -- I'm glad things worked out for them!

Saurin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Katelyn McClellan said...

Hi Saurin,
Nice post. I agree with Justine because even I thought that those people were not real. Anyways, I thought that your example about information disclosure in Ftf was very good. When David was able to meet the kids and Amanda in ftf he was more attracted to Amanda and was able to relieve his fears about her kids. I also think your story goes well with Berger and Calabrese’s point about short term CMC communication. After just 6 weeks when David met Amanda his expectations about her were not violated and he was able to stay with her. Another interesting fact about sites such as these is that because profile pictures are present you might expect to have fewer violations in Ftf. I’m glad things are working out for David and Amanda!