"Sailor Girl," or as she told me later, "Kristen," was the first person I made direct contact with. The very act of switching from 'group chat' to direct chat in private instant messaging is an interesting online phenomenon in itself. You have the aggressive instant messengers, who after making immediate contact in 'group chat' quickly ask for "a/s/l" in a private message. And you have the more laid-back, passive instant messengers who are content with chatting in group chat until a real connection (if you can actually have one in quick instant messaging conversation...) is made. I'd categorize myself as the latter, although after interacting with "Sailor Girl" for 15+ minutes in group-chat I started to grow irritated with the constant interruptions and asked her if she'd be willing to talk in private instant messages.
It's interesting, but when "Sailor Girl" said "umm...sure" I felt a sudden jolt and feeling of excitement. I didn't even know this person, had no idea what she looked like or how many other people she had privately messaged that very day, but the fact that she was willing to accept my invitation invigorated my senses. I wouldn't say it was necessarily on-par with face-to-face acceptance, but it was still fairly intense.
"Sailor Girl," a native of
I just stared at the screen for a second, and then remember starting to chuckle. "What the heck is wrong with me?" I thought. How could I have actually thought I was starting to get to know someone I had never seen? Why did I think we might “have something” when I had barely interacted with this person for more than 20 minutes? I didn't even bother responding to her, and quickly signed out of the chat.
Looking back, I think my experience resonated with Walther's Hyperpersonal Model. Interacting with Kristen, I never got a real feel for the 'breadth' (or detailed nature) of her personality. I knew where she was from, vaguely what she (might have) looked like (brown hair, blue eyes, 5/4, slender build), and her favorite movie (40-year-old-virgin) and favorite food (Chinese), but I didn't have much sense of how she carried herself, what her voice sounded like, or anything really about her actual personality.
Yet, I found myself making real intense impressions about her, that in retrospect (especially upon learning she had lied to me), I didn't have any right making. For example, I assumed that she was playing hard-to-get when she said "umm...okay" when I asked her if we could privately chat, instead of considering the fact that maybe she was just hesitant to talk to a complete stranger. Or when she told me her favorite movie was 40-year-old-virgin I immediately assumed she was a funny/good-natured person. When she told me she was 'slender,' I pictured a skinny, good-looking brunette who was my age. The intensity of my judgments, in hindsight, were totally unmerited. But they were still there.
The experience, in and of itself, was a good learning experience. I don't think the online chatting world is really my thing, at least at this point in my life. There's just too much unknown out there, and I don’t like the idea of spending time talking with someone who might be lying to me. Still, it is very interesting how willing I was to make intense judgments about someone that I knew absolutely nothing about. The Hyperpersonal model, I think, comes the closest to explaining my judgments and reactions.
2 comments:
I definitely agree with your comment that the very act of switching from 'group chat' to direct chat in private instant messaging is an interesting online phenomenon because I had experienced the same thing. I had just typed “hello” in the chat room and within seconds I was receiving private instant messages one after another. The first line I received from about 85% of these annoying pop-ups was the typical “a/s/l?” I did end up conversing exclusively with someone whom also hesitated to tell me anything below the surface, but unlike you, he was the one to offer more information about himself and ask me numerous, general questions. Similar to you, I also did not get a real feel for the breadth of his personality which would align with Walther’s Hyperpersonal Model. However, I did not form any intense impression of my online “friend” thus putting my impression under Walther’s Social Information Processing Theory (SIP) because of the lack of time there is to form an impression since information transmitting is done verbally in this psychological space.
I found your comment about private chats to be very interesting. You are completely correct that some people will jump into private chats right away while others wait to get to know the other person better. I wonder if people that are considered to be more extraverted are more willingly to privately chat. I think your encounter was most difficult to classify simply because she told you that she lied and was really only 14. Therefore, any impression you did form of her, even if intensified, could be completely false. If you were FTF you would most likely be able to she was lying by her appearance. Therefore, after learning she lied, I am not quite sure if your interaction was hyperpersonal or under SIP.
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