Hi everyone. My name is Mallory Biblo. I am from Mequon, Wisconsin, a suburb just north of Milwaukee. I am a junior in the ILR College, and I compete on the Varsity Women’s Track and Field Team. My events include long jump and triple jump. I am also an active member in my sorority, Delta Gamma. Cornell University and the east coast are very different from Wisconsin. However, I could not see myself at any other college and the east coast is growing on me.
The Internet-related phenomenon that interests me most deals with dating and the Internet. How does meeting someone over the Internet lead to a real relationship? Whatever the relationship is, a single date, a girlfriend or a boyfriend, or marriage, why is someone willing to trust someone else that he or she knows very little about? In fact, the only information that one person knows about the other person is what he or she has been typing, which could be completely untrue. The thought of meeting and dating someone over the Internet goes against what we have been conditioned to think our entire lives. Our entire lives we have been conditioned to think of love at first sight and physically interacting with someone. The Internet completely takes this aspect of dating away because the relationship that starts on the Internet does not start with seeing the other person or any actual contact with the other person. Also, the relationship that exists solely on the Internet has no physical interaction at all.
There are numerous online spaces where this Internet-related phenomenon takes place. One online space that a potential dater can communicate with another potential dater is a chat room. A chat room is a synchronous environment because the potential daters engage in a version of real-time conversation. Potential daters can also communicate with one another through electronic mail (email), which is another online space. People can also meet and possibly start dating using another Internet-related phenomenon, Facebook. There are numerous online spaces within Facebook itself. For example, “the wall” feature of Facebook is an asynchronous discussion forum. By definition an asynchronous discussion forum consists of an ongoing conference in which participants start topics, post replies to each other, and read what others have said. This definition describes “the wall” feature perfectly.
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Mallory, you've raised an interesting dichotomy between people’s inherent desire to physically interact with prospective lovers and the blind trust people exhibit through CMC. The Social Identification/Deindividuation offers some insight into how users transform lines of text into virtual representations of potential lovers.
Past experiences may play a significant role in the inferences users make about each other from limited facts. For example, learning a potential lover is a lawyer may trigger memories from other lawyers the user may have dated. If the user had good experiences dating other lawyers, then the user may infer that dating the online lawyer will also lead to good experiences.
At the same time, people who resort to online dating services expect to find a dating partner given the time and money invested. Therefore, the first impressions formed via SIDE are subject to a confirmation bias, as the user would like to find a mate given his or her investment. Users may ignore negative stereotypes from past experiences while amplifying positive ones to confirm their hopes of finding a partner online.
Mallory, I enjoyed reader your blog. Internet dating is something that has always puzzled, and to be totally honest, grossed me out a little bit.
However, more and more I hear of people actually reporting long term relationship success stories with significant others they found through chats. While it is true that members of these sites meet one another using CMC, and thus have significantly less information about the other person, that could actually foster an eventual relationship rather than hinder the creation of one. Often people that have relationship issues in the past over-analyze potential partners and push them away before they become serious. In this case, due to the lack of cues associated with CMC, it could allow the each person to build up trust and a solid base before one of the participants can find something wrong with the other person.
Hey Mallory, so here's my question for you, even if you've already talked to someone online, does that mean you can't fall in love with them the first time you do see them? I understand and agree that the Internet does take away from the fun of dating, except I also am curious as to whether relationships on the Internet allow you to fall for someone's personality and not their looks. Then again, I think that as human beings, being physical with one another is human nature and an essential part to any relationship. Can two people who have perfect personalities suitable for each other have a long, loving relationship if there turns out to be no physical attraction when they finally meet? Can this physical attraction make the difference between being just friends and being more than friends? I think your ideas are valid and raise the question: how long should you talk before you actually meet mysteryman@aol.com in person?
Interesting post on the concept of meeting someone online. I think though, that when you mention the concept of love at first sight, it's not really a question of meeting the right person; it's more of a feeling that you're ready for and open to some kind of commitment or relationship or whatever like that.
That being said, say you do meet someone on the internet. The one thing the internet can't filter out is your imagination. So say you just start chatting with someone online. Sure you don't know exact details about them, but you think you do, and you can attribute things to them in your imagination. Basically, you think to yourself that you know a lot more about them than you actually do (I guess this would be the hyperpersonality theory in play).
So ultimately, say you meet this person. How many times have you met someone or got to know them better and you find you that you thought them to be someone completely different from who they really are? I hope it's happened a lot.
But sometimes, and often subtly and unnoticed, we find that these initial impressions of the other person are right. This is what leads to a really good relationship (regardless of whether it's with someone that you have a deep bond of friendship with or someone that you stick with for years and possibly even get married to). It's that subconscious confirmation that this person was who you really thought they were that confirmation and pre-acceptance is what creates a strong, long-lasting relationship.
My two cents.
Ashish
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